Gasping for air

It’s all about money. It’s all about pride. It’s all about show-off. It’s all about everything except ‘following your heart’. Why do people pretend? Why do people fake? Why do people brag? Why? Why? Why?

Society, People, Conventions – Fuck them all.

I am sick of the set up, sick of things around me, sick of the routine, sick of life. I have felt like this many times before but never for so long as this time. All that I want to do is look at the person and give a sarcastic smile and say ‘Go Fuck Yourself’ but since I live in this wonderful meaningless brainless set up called society, I just give a smile (fake one that is).

I am choked. I need some air.

I am Amused

This world is full of people who never seem to miss a chance to amuse me.

While I am writing this post, I am travelling by train to my home town (a much needed break).

Right from the person (who has a headphone and not using it) whose answer when asked politely “Can I use your headphone please?” is surprisingly, a straight “No” (with no hesitation what so ever) to the person (a serious looking aged government employee) who is giving me “Oh – one of those another IT guys” looks to the person who is enquiring my pay package, my marital status and parental income to the person who is making valiant efforts to talk in an accented English (which by the way is irritatingly annoying) to the person who is sharing stories of his past emotional linkages (or should I say romantic illusions) to the person who is sleeping and shouting (It would be unfair to call such high volume synchronization ‘snoring’) like a Godzilla to the person who is talking on phone so loud as if he is on a mission to cause some serious damage to the network signal receiver system to the person (dressed in white) who is singing praises of Sai Baba; everyone,  every single person so far, in this remarkable train journey, seems to be doing their bit to amuse me, entertain me.

Why and how do I convey to this world that I don’t need any entertainment, I don’t need any amusement. It makes my belief even stronger that I don’t belong to this world.  I don’t get angry at anything anymore.  I have reached a stage of such discontent where anger has alienated itself from my emotions. I demand peace. When will the time come when common sense takes precedence over stupidity in this world?

I hate...

Can you hate somebody without even talking to that person? forget about talking, whom you have not even seen in person, just heard them talking.


Of course you can. When I can hate so many people, Why can't you? 
I hate many, but the three persons whom I hate the most in life are:


Fardeen Khan - Pathetically disastrous actor. The worst actor ever. I hate him.


Rakhi Sawant - Uniquely cheap and uncivilized. Can't forget those 'I love Jejus', 'It's hurts' liners of hers. I hate her.


Ghanta Singh (94.3 FM) - Very very annoying, irritating and silly. Ghanta Singh is not funny. I hate him.

My top 10 Resolutions

New Year is the time when everyone takes resolutions. 
Why should one care to resolve something? 


It might sound dramatic when I say "All that a Resolution needs to become a Revolution is changing S to V". Just a thought. For the revolutionists, this is the perfect time to resolve to bring in a revolution. 
For the not-so-enthued-I-Aint-Any-Extraordinary guys like me, resolution is just an excuse to be better - to earn well, to keep healthy, to value relationships, to lead a more disciplined life, to become more social, to create an impact on people who matter, to enjoy the pleasures of life and so on.


I (commit to) resolve:


to stay in touch with my dear ones
to eat well
to sleep well
to develop empathy
not to be so self-centered
to take things head on, instead of taking the easy way out
to look happy
to put on some weight
to go places
to surprise people (I like this the most)


Resolutions can be unlimited, but i would limit mine to just these 10 for this year and see how strong my commitment is.

Happy New Year

31 Dec - 1st Jan is the time when you get emails, SMS's, calls from your friends, relatives, not-so-known contacts, wishing all the happiness and success for the new year. You say Thanks and wish the same. How typical. It happens every year. 


Nobody knows what the new year has in store for him or her, yet we celebrate every 31st night as if some great things are waiting for us. If great things are really bound to happen, they will happen in any case, so what's this fuss all about? I'm not against celebrations, don't take me wrong; but all that I'm not for are these wishes or rather fake pre-defined wishes that people exchange. Is it for real? Do you really think the drunk bikers speeding at 60 kmph shouting "Happy New Year" at the top of their voice on some random roads of Bangalore care how your new year would be? People just say for the sake of saying. They don't mean it.


31st Dec is a day in the month of December and the next day, 1st Jan is a day in the month of January. They just happen to be in 2 different calendar years. That's it. Please don't glorify it.


Happy New Year - What ever makes you happy !!

Against all odds

Chilling ruthless winter of Pilani. 2 degree centigrade. 

I want something. I want something very badly.

I'm with my friends. Good friends - A,B at Connaught place inside the campus.

I: Friends, I want to go ahead. Please don't stop me.

A: No you can't. Are you insane?
B: C'mon man, just stop it. Don't be mad. (And then the same question - ) Are you insane?

I: No, I'm not, but I just can't stop myself.

A: What's wrong with you? Why can't you behave like you know.... normal?
B: Yea... this guy is gone nuts. Dude, don't be stupid for heavens sake.

I: I'm not being stupid. It's as simple as I want something very badly and I want to get it. If not, I don't know what will happen to me. I can't resist myself.

A: But dude, look around. There are people. What will they think of you? This is just not done.

I: I can't resist the temptation. I'm too tempted.

B: Oh boy, I never thought you had such intentions tonight. If I had known this before, I would have never come with you. What a shame for me !! I want to save my face. I just want to get back to my room. 

A: Chi chi... you have no control over yourself at all. God save you. I'm out of here as well. Let's go, leave this cracko here. Let him do what he wants to do.

I: But guys, why don't you too join. We can have fun together.

A: Just shut up, will you? At least do it with presence of mind. You know what i mean. 
B: Do you have enough money?

I: Don't you worry. I will see you later.

A and B: We dont want to see you any more. Bye.

I walked towards the end of the road, a 100 m walk. It sent shivers down my spine. At the same time, there was this feeling of excitement of being the first one to actually DO it.

I asked "HOW MUCH" ? (without any fear)

10 Rs, came the answer. Which flavour do you want sir? Vanilla, Strawberry, Chocolate....
Chocolate I said and gave him 10 Rs.

Yes, I had Chocolate ice-cream in the month of December in Pilani. 
Mission Accomplished !! 

Confusion

Slept at 1 in the night yesterday. Now the time is 6.30 in the morning. 5 and 1/2 hrs of sleep.


Was it sleep? Not sure. I have a confusion. Did I not sleep OR did I sleep and was dreaming that I was not sleeping. What is happening to me? Never thought this could happen to me. 


Am I being cornered by my own life?